you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
