I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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