I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
