Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
