i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
