dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
