Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
