I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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