Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
