apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
