I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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