In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Congratulations! We have a period
do nipples grow back?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
