nut hugger
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
