sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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