Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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