put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
