He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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