He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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