yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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