I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
