A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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