there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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