Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
