Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
