I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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