If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
