We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
