she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
please don't ironically join a cult
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