between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
