I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
