Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
