When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
