Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
