You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize