I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
