I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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