I bet he comes in French.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
