No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
