This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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