I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize