Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Two words: nipple clamps
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