Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That's how pantless uber rides happen
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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