Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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