It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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