what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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