so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
