well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
