This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is the high leading the old right now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
