Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
