you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
