I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
