I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
