Sry I called you an 8
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
