this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
