Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
