The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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