Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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