Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
