I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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