you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
