Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
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that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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