I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
