Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
