apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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