I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
