You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
