you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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