Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
