You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
