Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
