I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
