Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
