On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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