At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
