i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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