I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Pooping to opera.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
