you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
