my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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