I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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