omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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