dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
