I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
