Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
