Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
