I look better un-naked...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
