drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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